Take another stab...?

I think I created this blog a couple years ago...
My first and only post (iirc) was a short dissertation on the likelihood that I would prolly not keep up with it at all. Well, I suppose having started it like that, I had already prepped myself for yet another failure at bonding with the Internet.

So, lets start anew.
Lately, I've been sitting around feeling sorry for myself and wishing I had someone to talk to. I do that a lot actually. Some may say that a blog like this is a good way to work through your thoughts and emotions, a kind of therapy. Well piss on that. I don't expect this to make me feel better. I do intend to make every attempt to be honest about my feelings and about most of the details of my life. I'm 32 now and have never had anyone I could share with on that level. Maybe someone will stumble across it here. And, in having read this, I will have effectively and honestly shared my life with another person without the gut-wrenching pain of choosing that person; actually going through with the decision to share; and the possible sting of their rejection.

Lets get at least one thing out of the way now. I'm not coming out of the closet. Despite all the cards stacked against me, I'm as straight as they come. I'm not in denial either. I do think I am more in-touch with my emotions and feelings than your average guy, depending on what you consider an average guy to be. Most of the guys I know, or have known, are either too macho-redneck to be allowed to breed, or they're just homophobic enough (or just plain scared) that they can't let people see the real them.
I actually fall into that second category though. Especially around new people (which is obviously natural). Its just that most guys never seem to break out of that phase, even with someone they should consider a good friend. They just keep up that "I'm a manly man" persona and after a while it just starts to wear thin.

Ugh, I'm boring myself now... I guess I will leave more for future posts. This time I do intend to make more posts. I just bought this kick ass PDA-phone (iPhone is such a joke, really, it is). It has Windows Mobile and for now I have an unlimited data plan so I got it set up to post to this blog from my phone. The reason that's significant is that, I've always been a gadget type of person and I need something like a PDA to keep myself organized. Yet, I eventually find it a pain to lug around and lose sight of it's original purpose. Now, I always have and keep my phone near me. I'm not great at staying in touch and being reachable but, you gotta have the phone, right? Well, with the PDA-phone, I have a tool that might keep me a bit more organized and I have a good reason to keep it near me. And, thanks to the near unlimited options and connectivity of a Windows Mobile based phone, it should be a good long time (or never) before I lose interest.
M²